


Unbalanced

by ClutchPaper



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Canon Compliant, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Slice of Life, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-14 20:31:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14143962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClutchPaper/pseuds/ClutchPaper
Summary: A delve into Lucretia and Davenport surviving before the Bureau of Balance was founded. Focusing on how much they meant to one another once they were all that were left of the crew. Trying to be cannon compliant, but if you're a bit of a sucker for mental anguish and hurt/comfort, definitely leans that way.----Lucretia was facing the tank, holding the journal, the condensed history of their time on the Starblaster, their histories, their memories. All written in her small and neat scribbles, six people, contained in a single large blue book.With clenched fingers, her eyes locked on the Voidfish, hoping that someone would walk in, someone would stop her. That somehow, she wouldn’t have to take this final action.Because she was terrified.It was just for a little while though. If she was careful, they would barely consider it a loss, after all, what was one more year?





	1. Normal

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there. First fic in a LONG TIME, and new to this site format. Still learning. No Beta. Just me. Got trapped in The Adventure Zone, and I am trying to dig my way out.

The crew of the Starblaster had certainly spent enough time together. Like anyone in a cramped space living seemingly infinite lives, they would share stories over a meal. Stories of their youth, their dreams, the fools they had met throughout the worlds they had lived on. There were endless inside jokes, and there were deeper things that only a hundred years of friendship could have revealed.

As they had sat together after a somber dinner, the Animus bell having wrought destruction on a city nearby, Merle began into a distracting humorous tale about learning to swing an ax. 

There was a dirty joke slipped in somewhere that Lucretia missed, but she heard the rowdy laughter of those who found that sort of thing hysterical. 

Lup's follow up was connected so loosely to the one Merle had told, that Lucretia was not sure if Lup had really been listening either. 

And then Lup’s story got a laugh as well. Mostly from Taako.

The Captain began his own, he shifted in his heightened chair, weaving a tale about his 11th Birthday, and he held a now empty plate over a flattened hand. “--The entire bottom of that spaceship--” And his other hand gestured and slammed into the table. “--just fell off. It was the first time the IPRE had tried to make something capable of planar travel.”

He let out a little laugh, as he was reliving that childhood disappointment. “But… I remember, watching this beautiful, complex ship attempt to take off. Of course-- this was before the Light of Creation fell, the bond engine, all the… just uh… magic. And this ship I’d been sketching, studying, obsessed with, it shook itself apart before my eyes. I was broken-hearted for weeks.”

“Dang, Cap, why didn’t you get a dog? I mean… cool, you like ships and stars and space and sh*t, but… uh… how about a hobby... or pet or something?” Magnus suggested, finishing up what seemed to be his fifth plate of food. 

“Huh.” The Captain sat back in his chair, a pensive look on his face. “Well, you’ve done it, Mr. Burnsides. You’ve solved my lame childhood puzzle.”

With a good-hearted chuckle, Magus threw his hands into the air. “Solved it with dogs!”

“What _is_ it with you and dogs?” Barry asked, his attention momentarily distracted from watching Lup carrying her dishes to the sink.

Taako answered, waving his hand around in a circle, twirling a spoon in an empty mug. Listening to it rattle across the porcelain. “It’s the boy’s go-to. When people don’t bother to study magic, they start getting weird.”

“He’s always been weird, Ko-ko. He’s got a _thing_ for dogs.” Lup shouted over her shoulder, with a wicked grin on her face.

Magnus’s smile fizzled, “Why you got to make it sound like that, Lup!? I like dogs the normal healthy amount! Dogs are great, you-- well now anything I say sounds-- You guys SUCK.”

“No, no, please, Magnus, tell us more about your _totally normal_ love of dogs!” Lup taunted, posing dramatically on the counter, her legs flipped one over the other, and tossing her hair. “We in no way will we be wondering if--”

“OKAY! We’re done here.” Barry announced, leaving his plates on the table, and throwing a pitying look to Magnus. “You know they always take it too far. You can like dogs, and Cap’n, you can like ships. You’re all valid or whatever.” With that, he adjusted his glasses, tucked his shirt in sloppily, and began to head for the hall. 

“UGH. It’s only ‘too far’ if somebody dies, Bluejeans!” Lup shouted after him, leaping lightly from the counter and chasing him down. Lucretia heard Barry’s heavy footfalls, and then the slam of a door. 

Followed by a blast of fire rocketing down the hall. “I assume liking FIRE is ‘valid or whatever’ right? Barry? Babe? Hmm? Am I valid?” Lup crowed, as sparks danced down the hall.

Davenport groaned, and climbed down from his seat. “You know you’re responsible for any fires you start, and you get to repair anything you break!” He shouted down the hall before scraping the remnants of his dinner into the trash. 

After the table was finally cleaned up, and the rest of crew began drifting to their rooms, Lucretia took a long breath, and went over to where Davenport was finishing drying the dishes.

“Isn’t it Merle’s turn?”

“It’s never Merle’s turn, Lucretia. You know this.”

In a hundred years, she had rarely seen Merle take on any cleaning or household responsibility without a fight or whining. “I have a request, Sir.”

“If it’s for a raise, you’re out of luck. Taako got the last one.” He wiped a red and white cloth over and around a frying pan. 

He was standing on a wooden stool he shared with Merle, dragging it around the ship to reach a human standard height. Which, might have been why the Captain was always as subtle and quiet about it as possible. Unlike Merle, who would, in his moments of comedic frustration, grunt and groan, and make a production about it.

“I have written the comprehensive history of all of the crew. So much as they would share. And to honest... I feel it is important to preserve any memories we can. Particularly now that we might be finished with our travels.” Lucretia began putting dried dishes away, their shelves known to her by heart, and she placed them in an autopilot like fashion as she thought of how to continue. “But, my collection, my anthology, is missing your story, Captain.”

His hands stopped rubbing the inside of a cup, the cloth jammed inside. He looked up at her quizzically, and she saw his tail twitch out of the corner of her eye. His brow pulled into deep wrinkles. “You know that... I’m not… there’s not a lot to say, really. I’m pretty one-note.”

“--I do understand. I know neither of us are over-sharers. Maybe it will be easier between two… less social people.” 

Holding out the dry cup to her, he flattened his lips into an unsure acknowledgement of her words. “I play cards with Merle almost every evening, and I can’t think of the last time we talked during a game.” He let out a low sigh, and grabbed another cup. “ ‘Cretia, I follow, I track the thought. You want a complete set. But... “ 

“It doesn’t have to be exhaustive. It just doesn’t seem right to barely have anything more than formalities and your name in the records. If we really are here to stay, then we need to… save everything we can.” Taking the cup, she held onto it for a few moments, looking down at the thick glass, a small chip out of the rim, and the faded ‘IPRE’ logo that had been etched into the side.

The Captain’s tail was twitching pretty hard, she could see it flicking, the tuft of hair the same burnt-red color as that on his head at the end of it. He was unhappy. “That--fine. Okay.”

She finished putting the dishes away with him in silence.

\----

It was almost like he was sulking as she asked him to sit down. She had carefully chosen to sit closest to his dark green armchair, to make sure he wouldn’t have to scramble into a larger seat. Which would have added to his annoyance.

Holding her pen over a blank page of her journal, she motioned with a nod of her head to the tiny spread of crackers and tea she had set out. An offering.

Adjusting himself in his favorite chair, he poured himself a cup, chose an orange-zested tea, and sat back. As he held it, waiting for it to cool, he took off his reading glasses, and tucked them into his jacket pocket.

Somehow, this was worse than just collecting stories and histories by listening for 100 years. This was more… intimate. More purposeful in it’s intent. “You grew up around the IPRE?”

“Yeah.” He tested the tea, and jolted a little, sloshing it into his mustache. “Hot.” Settling it back on it’s plate, and he glanced around. “My uhm.. Parents worked at the the Institute long before I was born. I was a late-in-life surprise for them. They were tinkerers, engineers, inventors, their creations were my bedtime stories… schematics were our wallpaper.” 

Lucretia heard him clear his throat, and hum as he was thinking. “After the light of creation was found, you can imagine, they were in love with it. They were… _there_ when we launched. I didn’t… it was a bit embarrassing at the time. Them waving wildly, shouting my name. But, I--” His gaze landed on his hands holding the tea, and he frowned in thought. “--It was really… two of their children headed into the unknown. I had somehow… I mean, I was the natural choice. Obviously though, things happened, and uh...”

Lucretia was writing as quickly as he spoke, occasionally using her own shorthand that she had developed throughout the years. However, the pause was long, and she had run out of things to write. Looking over to him again, she saw him completely focused on the steaming cup. “Captain…?” 

The frown on his face was deeper, and he sighed. “I chose all of you. But, I was… this was my future, one way or the other.”

The Captain had always kept a level of professional distance, even now, so many years past, she knew he was somehow the furthest on the fringes of their family. “You are a great Captain. I don’t think any of us… Lup and Taako pretend to… but none of us feel like we were the top sh*t, the cream-of-the-crop to be doing this. None of us blame you.”

Eyes slits, he looked over her face, and then looked back down at the cup. “--What else were you--did you want to know?” His expression grew more and more professional. Taking his tea, he brought it to his lips, and blew across it.

With the uncomfortable air in the room growing more distinct, Lucretia looked over her last few sentences. “Is there anything about your life that wasn’t in the IPRE… or wasn’t about the ship?”

“Of course. I mean, we went on vacations, sometimes. Or… visited family. I mean, my parents weren’t nuts. Just dedicated. But when I got older, I put myself through the IPRE training, first piloting, then engineering, and then… when the crew was being assembled, I was in first year of magic.” He was almost gulping the tea, clearly ready for the conversation to finish.

“I remember.” Lucretia muttered, writing in her book, catching up to him.

“I told you. One-note.” He clattered his tea cup into the dish, and leaned to set it on the table. He flicked his glasses open, and settled them onto his long thin nose. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

She had seen him angry before, it was contained, but there were tells. Almost like the Twins in that manner. Although rather than acting flippant, he became distant and professional. His ears folded back, and although she couldn’t see his tail, she was sure it was snapping side-to-side as best it could in the seat. “No. Thank you for talking with me. I… I’ll have a few follow up questions.”

“A later time. Thank you for the tea, Lucretia.” He jumped to his feet, hands behind his back, and with swift short steps, he headed out of the room.

\----

When Lup vanished, the desperation of Lucretia’s writing became more and more pronounced. She knew the others had noticed, and her pressing them for answers to various questions made them feel more and more on edge. 

It was a delicate balance, collecting as much information as she could, writing into the early morning hours, editing the detailed ‘Crew’ manifestos into a single book, and not arousing their suspicion… or ire.

But Lucretia knew if she waited, she would talk herself out of it. So, carefully redacting the essentials, she snapped the book closed, no double-checks, no waiting for the ink to dry.

It was done. She had done it right, and she had done it as mercifully as possible. She told herself this in a mantra as she walked to Fisher. 

And she had been so careful. Every moment she could save, she did. Everything that mattered to them, that could be found in a normal life here, she left for them to cherish.

As her steps drew her nearer to Fisher’s tank, she knew that there would be some of the crew who would be damaged, no matter how careful she was.

There was no way she could find around it, to spare them pain that she knew would ruin them.

Taako may have needed his sister, they might have once been a pair of two of the most mischievous, incomprehensible, and beautiful people she knew. But now there was no Lup. There was no way to change the information he knew, to comfort him with an end to Lup’s story. That fire-y woman would be disappearing from his life a second time, mysteriously, not in a puff of smoke, but in the slow and meticulous strokes of a pen.

And she had been so careful. But she knew that the Captain…would be by far the worst off.

While she was carefully editing, sculpting the lives she loved, she kept… losing pieces of him. A scratched out element, rewritten, reworded. Another memory that had to go. And it was exhaustive, it was just so, SO much. And as she went, she began to become more and more frightened. Another part, a scribble of words to be devoured. A hobby, a skill, those went quickly, they seemed like such small parts, but when she considered the entirety, those small elements were adding up fast.

She was facing the tank, holding the journal, the condensed history of their time on the Starblaster, their histories, their memories. All written in her small and neat scribbles, six people, contained in a single large blue book. 

With clenched fingers, her eyes locked on the Voidfish, hoping that someone would walk in, someone would stop her. That somehow, she wouldn’t have to take this final action. 

Because she was terrified.

It was just for a little while though. If she was careful, they would barely consider it a loss, after all, what was one more year?

The blue edges of her journal were becoming maliable with the sweat soaking from her palms. 

Fisher pulsed pleasantly, as usual, happy for a visit.

Lucretia let out a slow breath, and reached for the opening to Fisher’s tank. 

Fisher was always delighted to be fed, and it drew closer to the opening. It was absolutely unaware of what she was making it do.

Her hand withdrew for a moment, and she looked down at the journal.

Her heart began pounding. Maybe she did need to take a moment. To make sure everything was ready. That she hadn’t missed anything, that she hadn’t managed to remove more than needed. 

Yes, she needed a revision.

These were lives, these were the lives of the most important people in her life. What was she doing? Only one draft of something so important?

Her feet stepped shakily backwards, the journal was suddenly clutched to her chest as she turned and half-jogged down the hallway.

The Voidfish sang a few confused notes.

She went past the beginnings of an afternoon card game, past Taako, reclining dramatically on one of the couches in the common room, hat over his eyes, and she ended up on the deck of the ship. Taking deep slow breaths of the air, trying to calm the rapid thumping in her chest.

It only took her a moment for the sensation of being watched alerted her to Barry’s presence. He had a little Lup-hunting area up here. A canvas roof over his easily packed away work, should the weather turn foul.

He was looking at her, and she slowly regained her composure, and she returned his gaze. “Barry.”

“Oh, hey, ‘Cretica. You… doin’ okay? Came up here in a real hurry.” Barry was setting down a pencil, he was coming towards her, and she held up her hand to slow his approach.

“It’s nothing, I just needed the air. The fresh air.” The lie was only partially so.

Barry pulled his glasses to the top of his head, and rubbed his eyes. He looked exhausted. None of them were really looking their most incredible. Worn down. Beat down. Just… down. “I am working on finding a new location for Lup. She’s... not leaving a lot of clues. The Gauntlet shows up, sure, but… she’s a damn good wizard, to pull a trick like this.”

“They both are some of the most amazing Wizards. They put us both to shame, don’t they?” Lucretia commented softly, and she tucked her book under her arm. There was a forest they were drifting over. It was unremarkable, compared to some of the places they had been, but she knew that this was their new world. Soon, it would be their home. A safe, normal, uncorrupted home. 

A chuckle, a somewhat bitter “Heh” drifted to her ears, and she watched as Barry turned back to his work. 

Barry was another dangerous edit, not so much as Taako or the Captain, but still, she had been very cautious. He was too brilliant, too wrapped up in the IPRE, and losing Lup would be horrible for a second time, but then it would be over. 

She’d heard many things about a family, the Millers, who were working on some amazing mechanical and medical leaps, and if she could have kept more, he would have been a capable assistant to them. But, as it was, that would end up beyond his grasp. 

So, she would settle him somewhere where he could keep searching, keep striving, and even if his ability to comprehend the sciences was muted, he could still be someone. A small town, his knowledge of maps, and his intelligence would make him an excellent guide, or adventurer for hire. 

Her plans were already in motion, houses rented, communities primed for an additional person, all she needed to do, was settle her friends. 

But first, double check her work.

Then, she was ready.

Then, she could do it.


	2. Good Company

Taako hadn’t cooked a meal in a week, and Lucretia knew he was still mourning in his own fashion. But it looked a hell of a lot like lying around in odd places. She found him on the rail of the ship, balancing on his back, with his arms draped into the air on either side of him. He was talking with Barry, of course, about what else? Lup. 

It was a conversation she was reticent to join, so as quickly as she had come up to ask about whether they were cooking a full meal, or everyone was to their own scrounging, she spun on her heel and went back down the stairs.

She went to the Mess Hall. It wasn’t quite time for Davenport and Merle to do their traditional game, so she wasn’t expecting anyone else in the room. 

So, she was startled when Magnus was already searching through the fridge for something worth eating.

He turned and gave her a quick wave. “Hey ‘cretia. Haven’t seen much’a you.” He got up from his crouching to better reach the food, and held up a fantasy tupperware of some soup from last week. “You up for this? Not sure it’s still good, but better then my cooking.”

“You would… rather eat rotten food?” Settling into a stool at the small island-bar, she tucked her feet onto the highest rung, and gave him a wane smile.

The soup lid was popped open, and a long sniff was taken. Magnus put his tongue into the large half-filled bowl, and then thought about the taste. “So… you onboard for this, or...?”

“If you are sure I won’t be vomiting my intestines through my mouth before the evening is through.” Watching him grinning as he slopped the previously delectable soup into two bowls, happy to be serving her some dinner.

Lucretia wondered how it was that he'd grown into such a kind man. 

He had been so immature when he came aboard. He had been so strong, but unfocused. 

Gods, wasn’t that how they all had been? 

Each of the crew had become so much _more_ of themselves, so much _more_ of what they could be through the years. She watched them burn like a coal fire, she, herself felt it. Now, they were becoming ash, fading from a life filled with exhaustion and loss.

Magnus put the bowls into a fantasy microwave, and he sat at the stool facing her. “Been writing a lot.” 

Lucretia gave her best smile. But it was surely lacking. “I have to keep my records. The morale of the crew, the search for Lup, our interactions with the world below, observations of the Relic Wars… there are things, Magnus.”

Scratching at the back of his neck, he shrugged. “I guess I just don’t know how you’re getting this much time out of it. Gotta be why you beat me for the position as chronicler.” He handed her a bowl, and grabbed the larger warmed bowl from the fantasy microwave. “My interview was really solid. ‘Today we ate soup. Super bored, side-note: might have food poisoning’ and then I tore like… three phone books in half.”

“I'm sure it was totally baller, and yet somehow you got my place in Security. We have both been bitter and disappointed the last 100 years... I’ve wanted nothing more than a chance to show off my pecs.” Lucretia gravely stated, with only a slight twist of her lips. She tentatively tasted the creamy soup, and they chatted inanely as they ate.

It was lovely.


	3. Time To Go

...And the second draft was done.

Upon rereading, she felt an empty well in her stomach. Thank the gods she had not attempted to give it to Fisher at the first. 

Now, she was only concerned about one element. 

The Captain. 

She was tempted to have Merle cast ‘Zone of Truth’ and force him to give up his history. So that she could have something that she could keep for him, rather than the sweeping generalizations she was left with. It was so severe. It was so delicate, the parts she dared leave in. His functionality, just… basics. She was truly scared that such a simple description of a person would not be enough. 

Would his soul pull through what she was going to do to his mind?

She took more time now, to let the ink dry. To let the writing, and the removal of it, solidify her resolve.

The ship was safely anchored near a halfling farming village. She was honestly not sure where on the map, but it had been decided the Starblaster was heading to a new location tomorrow. Near to where a glassing had been. 

So, she would need to finish tonight. 

She would need to feed Fisher now.

Retracing her steps, she heard Barry give an exasperated huff and groan from on deck, she dodged a small conversation wrapping up between Magnus and Taako in the hall, and she passed the card game with Merle and Davenport.

Standing in front of the tank now, Fisher came over nearer to her hand, again, eager. She opened the lid. The book in her hand.

Holding in a breath, blood pounding in her ears, she held it over the opening. Fisher curiously floated even closer, waiting for her. Their tendrils reaching up, as if baffled by her reluctance.

Tears that felt like they had been boiling in her eyes ran down her face as she slowly peeled her fingers away from the binding, and watched as the journal slipped in without a significant splash.

And she pressed her forehead against the heavy glass, watching Fisher test the meal, pulling it close, rolling it over, as if judging her work.

Then, a few things happened at once. Fisher began to devour it in their own peculiar way.  
And she felt herself shaking. She had done it, and her stomach twisted. The book was slowly vanishing before her eyes, and there beside it, she could see the reflection of a figure in the doorway. A huge figure that she knew just by his shape.

Spinning around, there was Magnus, holding one of his carved ducks, obviously painted to look like her normal muted color clothing. Beautiful browns and whites and blues in it’s wooden feathers.

But that was the least important element to this man before her, because she saw such confusion, and then recognition, then fear, and then confusion again.

His voice was broken, “No, No!” and he was shivering, his body shuddering as if he was suddenly very cold.

Lucretia couldn’t know. “God, Magnus, no! You weren’t supposed to see this! I’m so sorry, Magnus.” 

The gift for her had fallen out of his hands, and he was trying to steady himself on the doorway, his eyes focusing, and then unfocusing on her. His blinking fast, and his breathing unsteady. “What are you-- what?” 

There was a quality to his voice that sounded tired, or drunk, and from his weaving, she could see he was struggling to stay on his feet.

“Magnus please, this is just for a little bit. I’m going to stop this--what we’ve done to this world! I am going to find you a place you can be happy again.” There were flashes of recognition, darting in his eyes between her and then Fisher. A terrible emptiness was slipping in between the blinks, though. 

“It-It’s just for a little while, and then you’ll remember, I promise!” Holding her voice steady, sounding comforting, it was tearing her apart. She watched him losing her and Fisher, losing that huge span of years, and important parts of who he knew himself to be.

Then, there is no recognition in his eyes, and he was leaning on the doorframe, gripping it with both hands as his legs threatened to give out. Staring at the floor, as his breathing steadied. That exhausted face turned upwards to her, “Who are you?”.

“I can do this, Magnus. Please, please just lie down. I don’t want you to fall and hurt yourself.” Lucretia approached her friend, this stranger, trying to get him to the floor. He was just… clamped onto the door frame, his fingers white knuckled. “I love you, Magnus. I love all of you! I’m sorry, it will all be over soon!

His legs wobbled. He went down hard, just on the cusp of entering the room. In his eyes, no recognition, as she rushed to him. He didn’t catch himself at all, he just… collapsed. “God, Magnus! Did--are you hurt?”

He was too big for her to move by her own strength, and--

She heard a loud keening cry from elsewhere on the ship. Trying to pull him upwards, to check his heartbeat, he tried to keep her at a distance. But he seemed weak and uncoordinated.

“Stop... no…”

Lucretia watched that dazed look become something more distant, and his eyes rolled back, unconscious. 

Without his struggling, she checked his heartbeat, and found it fast, but not such that she--another cry split the air, and standing to her height, she ran towards the sound, it was coming from on the deck.

But as she passed the Dining Hall, she heard Merle’s voice. “Hey, try to keep calm, bud. It’s okay, guy. You okay?” 

She skidded to a stop, glancing back and inward. Merle was slumped over a chair, and then slid onto the ground with an unceremonious ‘WHUMP’. 

Davenport was writhing on the floor, clutching his head, and shaking.

The scream came again, and Lucretia feared that one of the crew is hurt worse than the Captain. So she made her split-second decision, and continued running.

As she staggered onto the deck and into the setting sunlight, illuminated in the sky’s golds and reds, his hair wild and his body quivering, she saw Taako. 

Kneeling, holding his wand in one hand.Then reaching to his hat, and grasping at the brim. His hands flew to his chest, then his hat again, then his face, as he let out another scream. With eyes brimming with tears, he stared at her as she ran up the stairs, “Lucr--Am I still? You still see me, right?! You can see--?”

“Yes, Yes, I see you. Just calm down, please, you’re going to sleep soon.” Quickly she stepped over to him.

He raised his wand in defense, in his gaze, there was pure terror. 

And Lucretia stopped. “Are you--Taako, are you hurt?”

“What?!” He was pointing the wand, and a spell was crackling at the tip of it. She could see and smell the smoke. “What--the hell am I--Where the f*ck am I?!”

“Please, you’re going to hurt yourself. I know you’re confused, but you won’t be for long. Just… don’t fight it like this, Taako.” Hesitantly, her feet carried her closer, and she saw his eyes becoming more and more reluctant to stay open every time he closed them. 

“Don’t fu-- don’t get any closer--” His wand faltered, the smoke dissipated, and he fell forward, his face hitting the deck, protected only slightly by the stiff fabric of the hem of his hat. 

With well experienced hands, she checked his pulse. Steady, like Magnus, but quickened. He would be fine for the moment... she hoped.

No idea where Barry was though. He should have been right here...

However, she had seen the Captain was awake, and she sprinted down the stairs. Might as well aid those she knew were struggling. She could worry about Barry when she found him.

The Captain was still conscious. Which she found most concerning. He’d had the most editing. His small form was shaking, wiping his hands across his face, through his hair, and cramming his fists against his eyes. Glasses broken beside him, and his jacket pulled off one of his shoulders, hanging over his back.

And Merle? She looked at his prone form, splayed on the metal floor. Merle was snoring. His loud reverberating snorts indicating to her that he was at least asleep.

With quick and nervous steps, she hurried to the gnome's side. He began lashing out her, like Taako and Magnus had. Did they somehow know she did this, with their last shreds of memory? There was no choice but to pull away.

From his throat, he let out a sound disturbingly similar to the one she’d heard from Taako only minutes ago. A forceful, frightened, scream. 

He reached for his collar. Tearing at it, as white buttons pop off. His nails scratched across the skin of his throat, and Lucretia could see thin red streaks. 

“ You’re safe. It’s alright--Captain, please.”

“D--DAVENPORT!” He shouted forcefully through gritted teeth. His face flushed red and patchy from whatever was happening within him in reaction to her redactions.

Lucretia reached out again, shushing as she would if she was encountering an animal. “I know. I know you, and you are safe. Pl--Please, try to know that. You’re going to be alright.” 

With a twist of his shoulders, he removed his red jacket, and was squeezing it in his hands. He was flinching, his face grimacing as his eyes looked over the fabric. He tossed it away, and his eyes locked onto hers. 

His now empty hands… reached to her. And he looked so small. And so frightened. And she felt so much older then she did only a few minutes ago.

Lucretia was always hesitant to give other people too much emotional connection. But in this moment, she felt it was only right to reach back.

He took her fingers, and intertwined them as he flinched, and twitched, and continued to whine, his cheeks wet with trails of tears. She found herself crying too, watching him in pain. And it was pain. What she had been unsure of in Magnus’s expression, and had seemed like anger in Taako’s, was clear in her Captain’s.

The occasional thrashing of his head was becoming less frequent, he looked exhausted and was glistening in sweat. He finally managed to look at her, really manage to lock eyes, and his mouth opened. 

But no words came, his mouth just opened and closed, his lips made shapes, but no sound came out. Then, he collapsed, suddenly, like someone had flipped a switch in his mind, and she managed to hold him up before his head hit the floor.

Once she found Barry, everyone... save Lup of course... would be accounted for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Regardless of my incredible fondness for the Podcast, I don't swear. So, if it seems awkward, or I bail out... now you know why!  
>  I have a bunch of it written, so I don't anticipate this being a short series, although I am not sure how long it will end up being at this stage._


	4. Headed Home

It required a bit of magic to move Magnus, and Taako and Merle had to be dragged. But she settled them into the makeshift sleeping area she had created from the couches in the common room. 

As days began to pass, none of them awoke for more then a few minutes. Those minutes were blank-eyed. Lucretia tried to talk to them, to get them to snap out of the oddly catatonic state. 

It was… not supposed to be this level of… nothingness.

The deepest wriggling feeling of fear seated in her stomach made her wonder, had she done something wrong? Had she miscalculated?

But, she _couldn’t_ wallow and wonder. Not yet. There were things to be done, and needs to be taken care of.

She cleaned and clothed them, and tried to get a bit of water into them whenever they awoke. Food too, if they seemed able to comprehend she was holding something to their lips.

And Lucretia felt startlingly alone in this room of snoring men. She had so rarely been alone for the last 100 years, having no option of someone to talk to was… unnerving. 

On top of that, she had the endless concern over where Barry had ended up. He was aboard the ship when she'd went to Fisher’s room, she had checked, he had been on deck, as usual. She looked for him all over the ship, and then she risked wandering the forest below in a few quick, tight circles. And still, there was no sign. She dared not venture into the farmland nearby.

Gone the way of Lup, it seemed. Just… _gone_.

And as she considered this, she heard a groggy voice, and saw Merle sit up. “Wow--hangovers, right?” He blinked at the bodies around him, and his expression quickly became one acceptance. “Huh”.

“Hello” Lucretia called softly, and she got up from the chair she was settled into and offered him a steady hand up. “Can you stand?”

“If my knees stop knockin’. Wild night, or somethin’?” He took her hand, looked around at the men on the floor again, and then at her. 

She looked back, waiting for some glimmer of recognition from him. Nothing.

“A baller party, and a terrible, terrible, hangover.” Lucretia slowly, carefully, led him to the hallway, and she held out the pack that she had filled with items from his room that posed no risk to his mental state. 

She settled him into the dining room, and served him a bowl of oatmeal and some coffee. “Will you be heading back to the beach, Mr. Highchurch?”

“Will I? Yeah--” He smiled at her, although his brow was still a bit tight as he glanced out the window to the world below. “Yeah, I guess I will?”

\----

A day later, it was Magnus, and it happened while she was asleep in her chair. The dreams she was experiencing were troubled, and when a hand touched her shoulder, Lucretia screamed.

Magnus did as well.

Stumbling backwards, he almost fell onto the couch where Taako was sleeping, and caught himself right before hitting into the coffee table between the two. It was one he had built himself, and he would have been very frustrated if it had been destroyed when he woke up. Properly woke up.

“Lady, _geez_!” He panted, a smile on his wide face.

Lucretia tried to collect herself, and to look more like the stately in-control figure she wanted to project. But she knew she was rumpled with sleep, and she could feel her hair flying all different directions. “Sorry about that, Mr. Burnsides. I fell asleep. Are you okay?”

“Sure, yeah, sure. I mean… a bit confused? Uhm.. yeah. A lot confused? There’s… something…?” He looked around the room, and he kept blinking hard, flinching, and it looked like whatever he was experiencing was frightening him. “Am I missing something?”

“You had a totally baller party here, and now you’re headed home. Do you remember that, Mr. Burnsides?” Lucretia stood, grabbed up his pack, and offered it to him. He took it on seemingly instinct.

“Uh… no. No. I don’t--” Then his focus landed on her. “I’m headed... home?”

“Yes. Feel free to sit and wait while we travel.” Piloting the Starblaster took skills she had developed over her year from hell. It was something she would be in charge of until… until this was all over, she supposed.

Magnus collapsed into the chair she had just vacated, and put his head in his hands. “My head is killing me…”

“Just… try to relax. You’ll be… so _happy_ to be home.” Lucretia said calmly, as she headed down the hall. She heard him taking long breaths, and letting out pained moans.

\-----

Taako was a few days after that. 

With fewer people to watch, she was able to take better care of the two she had left. Taako’s hair was brushed and braided, ready for travel, whenever it was he woke up. However, she was not one for makeup, she knew what went where and the general concept, but had none of the finesse. He would have been angrier at her sh*tty attempt, which would have been clearly not his own handiwork, so she didn't try. A very ‘Taako’ wardrobe had been chosen, and she had seen enough of his fashion sense to have paired the shirt and pants well enough. He had worn this combination before, right?

He woke up while she was sliding his shirt on him. Her hands in… a compromising position, smoothing it over his chest. One eye popped open, and Taako frowned, “I get it. Everyone wants to have a look. But I have a thing against touching the merch. I’m not just a pretty face, you know. I have a soul, and I have standards, and I also--” 

Lucretia scooted away, almost laughing in relief as he berated her. But his expression was lacking something, she couldn’t quite pin down what it was. He looked… simpler, somehow. 

“ _Ugh_ \--I happen to be SUPER not into this.” He pursed his fingers in-front of himself, and then waved one hand at her. “However you thought this was gonna go… it isn’t. I have places to be, and I will totally take out a spell slot on your ass. I am a super powerful wizard, and have every capability to disintegrate you or something.”

“Got it.” In her most repentant voice possible, Lucretia pulled away, hands raised as if she was being held at gunpoint. “I was… over zealous. Meeting Taako from TV.”

“It happens, starstruck people do dumb. But, I will end you, if I am missing a SINGLE ITEM. You track?” He was checking his pockets, pulling his hat off the couch, and getting to his feet. Doing the same dazed and pained look around the room. Taako wriggled his fingers at Lucretia. “I am done. Outsies. Get my bag, whatever weird hotel I ended up in? Over it.”

Lucretia gave a little nod of her head, and wondered how many weird hotels being touched by strangers Taako had been in. He was taking it all in a very peculiarly calm stride. But, she knew enough about him, that calm and cold was often part of his freaking out.

His bag was nearby, again, packed for his departure. 

“Your wagon is just outside.” The bag was snatched from her, and he slung it over his shoulder without checking it’s contents.

“A wagon? Cool, cool.” He walked past her like a bolt, and before she had a chance to explain, he was on the deck of the ship. 

She heard him take a long breath, and then let it out slowly. She had landed the Starblaster at the edge of an apple orchard, brought the wagon and horses, and had it ready to go. It seemed like they were waking up based on level of editing, so she had guessed he was next.

And as he gave a tart wave to her, without making eye contact, he jumped onto the rail. His heeled boot balancing him there with cat-like grace for a moment, and then he was over the edge. She saw him land, and sprint across the grass to his cart. He immediately circled it, looked at his face painted on the side, opened the back, and stepped in.

Lucretia waited a short time, but he did not come back out. It frightened her, somehow. Was… he alright in there?

But she no longer had a right to know. The Elf in that wagon was not her friend anymore, he was a man alone in the world, with a right to his privacy.

So, once she could force herself, Lucretia turned away and headed to the cockpit. She might as well find somewhere nice and quiet to wait for the Captain to wake up.


End file.
